PMS & Pandemic
Let’s just say PMS and Pandemic don’t mix. I mean PMS sucks, but when you have it along with anxiety and frustration of being stuck inside during a pandemic, well God help us all. For starters- I hate the news. I am so over every news outlet. I already have anxiety and fear of the unknown, and none of them help anything. I heard it, and I get it- stay inside or lots of people are going to get sick- possibly die. But the ghoulish body count, terrible sad stories, and political spin are so uncalled for. I have to be honest here, right now, I am struggling. Usually, I am a very happy person. I have always thought of myself as incredibly strong, and yet here I am at home, snapping. I cry over everything. I am quick to anger, and my anxiety is getting to the point of making me crack. Yes, I pray. Yes, I play Christian music, and yes, I work out 2 hours a day. I play in my back yard, and I have a gorgeous home that I love. Most importantly, my family is, so far, all healthy. I know I am luckier than most to have a safe place to shelter in. Yet I am still having a very hard time.
The last party before the pandemic….I miss my friends!
I am a very social person. I would see my friends at least 3 times a week- working out or going to lunch. I love restaurants and trying new ones out, having cocktails made by bartenders, and I just miss laughing with other adults. I miss our game nights, I miss my gym, Dominate Fitness, and MMA, and I miss punching Bernie to de-stress. I miss my addiction to fit girls and teaching classes!! I understand this is needed, but it doesn’t make it less hard. I miss going to my church and seeing my pastor speak in person. I miss having a break from my kids. I love them, but they are snack-demanding monsters who leave messes everywhere they linger. Staring at me while they yell all their demands at me. I just miss what life was before this pandemic. Pandemic? I can’t believe I am even saying that.
I am really struggling with the unknown. When will this be over? Now I am seeing news reports that this will be back in the fall, and we will have to do this all over again? The fear-spreading is real, and if that’s what they wanted then they are doing a good job. The empath in me is worried about everyone. My family, my friends, strangers, first responders, doctors, nurses, and everyone that is stuck in an abusive home. I constantly worry about other people. This is how my brain works, and there’s not much I can do to change it. Amid all of this, I know how blessed I am. I know families who have kids or loved ones with health issues or a spouse who is sick. I struggle with even saying that I am struggling. However, I do want to acknowledge that even people we see as strong might be having a difficult time, and it’s ok to talk about it. It’s ok to reach out and say,
“This is hitting me hard- harder than I would have thought or want to admit.” If we keep it inside, that’s when problems start to rise up. I know this because yesterday I lost it. Like full-blown went to the crazy side. I’m busier than I have ever been so it’s definitely not because of idle hands. I am cleaning all day, homeschooling 2 kids (not very well) taking care of a toddler, cooking all the meals (everyone is so picky!), and yet I feel like I am not doing enough. The word ‘Mom’ now feels like nails on a chalkboard, every time my kids see me they ask for something, and everything seems to be more difficult than usual. The kids are fighting more. I’m jealous that my husband is essential and gets to leave all day, and I swear I just walked in the same circle 10 times. My dog, who just had puppies, looked into my eyes while taking a giant crap on my living room floor. Yes, I am starting to lose it.
I need to change my mindset, so here I go. The news gone! No more, I don’t want to see a death time clock. All I think about is who they are? What’s their age? Sex? Health conditions? Did they die alone? Who are they? What’s their story? Why are they just a number? It’s awful, and I hope we get to mourn every single person who is lost full-heartedly when this is over.
Home school… it is what it is. If I need a mental break or my kids do, then we’re taking a break. We want to sit and watch TV and play video games all day? Then that’s what we’re gonna do. I am no longer going to sit here and judge myself or my kids for failing at something I am neither qualified nor particularly good at.
Quick to anger… working on this. The amount of snacks my kids eat and the 10 meals a day are getting at my nerves. Someone needs to come up with a discount snack pack and have it delivered to my house. It’s getting out of control.
Anxiety… honestly no clue how to fix this one. Hopefully, these mindset changes help... I don’t do well with the unknown. I am working out, eating healthy, and doing as many zoom, house parties, and FaceTime calls as one possibly can. Maybe I’ll do an order of Lush products online, take a warm bath and download a few more books. Sounds luxurious right? I actually have to force myself to relax. I have to remind myself that I don’t always have to be doing something and to not feel guilty about it. I need to have on mental repeat: it’s ok to slow down.
Fear… I pray and talk to Jesus daily. I put on Christian music in the morning and am about to start a bible study. I need alone-time, and I guess I need to wake up before the kids and start doing this. Because alone-time is a laughable suggestion while stuck in your home with 3 kids during a pandemic. I need to start trusting and listening when I hear God say, “I love you and you will be ok.”
If any of you are struggling like me, reach out. Call your friends and family. Let people know you are there for them. Talk about what you’re struggling with. Don’t hold it in until you blow up (like I did). If you need help, ask for it. Give yourself a break. Don’t be so hard on yourself- we are all in this together. Stay home, stay safe and if you are dealing with PMS during this pandemic- get some wine and God speed.
They are insane but at least they are adorable.
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